Got teased with the prospect of getting out of this town today and then had people say no. I don't think they understand why I got so upset about it. I've had nothing in this town and the only person who kept me sane here is gone. When Jacqui was like "oh well, we'll just have to build here." I just couldn't believe, that because one person doesn't want to move we'll stay here. Well, I don't want to stay here so that's not happening either. I've got no job prospects in this town. I've got no friends and while that might not improve somewhere else, being closer to the city might give me more chances at getting a job or studying. It'd be so nice to go outside and have something to do. I'm stuck inside on the PC here because there's nothing else for me to do. I haven't worked for years and I'm now either too old or don't have enough experience to get any of the jobs going here.

I get why people don't really want to move and I'm happy to compromise but I just know that if we build a house here, that's going to be it. I'm going to be stuck in this town on the dole for the rest of my life and I don't want that. it's ok for them, they've got a job and are about to start a family but I don't have that and I've never had a real job before. How am I supposed to just say it's ok I'll just have this nothingness forever so they can be comfortable and happy. i don't want them to be unhappy but i want more than this.

Mum, I still miss you and i wish you were here. You always knew what to say to make me feel better. I'm so lost without you. Dad said he hoped this year would be better. How is it supposed to be better without her?

10 weeks on and I still don't know how this is ever supposed to be okay. I don't know how to move forward from this. All I want to do is lay in bed and think about the past and her. I don't want to carry on without her. I keep thinking that she's just in hospital and she'll come home soon because it's easier than facing reality.

I sit here and wonder when will this nightmare end.

My beautiful baby girl passed away this morning. I feel completely lost and empty. She was my best friend and the worst thing is I wasn't there for her in her last moments. I don't think I've ever felt the loss of a pet like I'm feeling this one.